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I Don't Belong to You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice, by Keke Palmer
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About the Author
Keke Palmer is an actress, activist, music artist, author, humanitarian, and passionate voice for her generation who has appeared in such films as Akeelah and the Bee, The Wool Cap, and Ice Age. She is also known for her starring roles in television series such as True Jackson, VP and the current hit show Scream Queens. Driven to break down barriers and defy definition, Keke was the youngest actress to receive a SAG award nomination in a lead actor category, the youngest talk show host in history, the youngest and first black Cinderella on Broadway, and the first black female to star as Marty in the movie version of Grease, the Emmy–winning Fox Live musical television special. She recently starred in the upcoming film Pimp and will release her groundbreaking second album in 2017. Keke currently lives in Los Angeles. Visit KekePalmer.com.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
I Don’t Belong to You 1 I Don’t Belong To You ON IDENTITY AND OWNERSHIP You’ll have everything you want when you realize you are the one that has to get up and go get it. —Diddy When I was a kid, I loved story lines that had a beginning, a middle, and an end. That’s one reason I was that kid who did not like Saturday morning cartoons. For some reason I felt they were too vapid, hahaha. No, I didn’t literally think the word vapid, but I did hate the fact that Tom and Jerry never learned anything. I didn’t get why it was supposed to be funny, when it was always the same plot with no twists and no lessons. It wasn’t until I discovered live-action shows that I really indulged in television. I loved Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. I think in many ways it influenced who I wanted to be in this world. I loved how inclusive his show was. I always felt like Mr. Rogers was talking directly to ME and that made me feel special. I also loved The Big Comfy Couch, Sister Sister, and Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, to name a few other shows that helped shape me. Sabrina was actually a very important show for me as a kid. I say that because I believe it was there that I saw the good persona and the bad persona displayed on television. (You know, like the good angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other .) I loved it so much because we all have voices telling us who to be and what to do. Some are thoughts in our heads (concepts, limitations, ideas that shape our opinions) and some are literal things we’ve heard from people around us and society (hello parents, hello friends, hello Instagram comments!) echoing from our thoughts. But we can’t give them control—or we’ll end up losing ourselves before we have time to find ourselves! As a kid it was easier to trust my spirit. I believe that deep down we know who we are, and I was very aware that the voices in my head weren’t me! My gut and instincts attempted regularly to show me the way to go. Did I always listen? Mostly! But being human, I’ve fallen into treating the mind as a master as opposed to a servant. Sound familiar? I quickly figured out how to differentiate myself from the irrational thoughts jumbling around in my brain. It was easy to tell, because one voice made me feel chill and eezy breezy and the other voice caused me to feel fear, worry, and anxiety . It’s a battle and a choice which voice you listen to. On Sabrina they depicted the simplicity of life, which I loved. The message I took away was: You are here living and breathing. You have gifts, some of which you know immediately or find out about later, and you have the choice to use them for good or bad. That influenced my approach to life at a young age. I said to myself, This is how I see life. WHO DO WE BELONG TO? I was also very aware that life was a game of choices and experiences. The choices we make determine the experiences we have. We can decide to just drift along and let the voices in our head control us, or we can remain conscious and be a force in directing where we want our lives to go. I learned that my destiny belonged to me and that the present moment belonged to me. I belonged to me, and I had to have my back and I had to have enough awareness to make the right choices for me. That’s the first step. In life, before we can make a good conscious decision about what we’re going to eat for dinner, what activities we’re going to do, what job suits us best, who we want to date, and what we’re going to do—pretty much any choice we’re going to make at all—we have to first determine who we belong to by accepting that we are responsible for ourselves. And we can be guided by whatever it is in our lives that stirs our passion and inspires us to dream. Later, I learned by reading the spiritual author Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth that the personalization of the ego is one of humanity’s biggest dysfunctions. Simply put, taking things personally is what creates our identities as human beings. The human brain believes its reality is based off of its story. And sometimes the story can become so traumatic—which all of our stories are to some degree—that you forget your life experience is not just about what has happened to you. It’s also about how you’ve grown and transcended. Our lifetimes are just a blip in our eternal existence, and it is our responsibility while we’re here to try not to get too attached to any one facet of the story. No matter how aware I was as a child, or any of us are as children, we are not exempt from this experience. Because the gag is that is the experience that is life! We can acknowledge and accept the thoughts we have, but we shouldn’t leave it up to them to determine who we are or how we act. We should live in the moment and find peace in not knowing what is next. I love this quote from A New Earth: “What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am.” FOLLOW YOUR HEART Martin Luther King said, “If a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.” Living your passion gives your life purpose. The good news is that the things you are meant to do are already inside you, built into who you are. Sometimes we have to simply move through all the bullshit (defense mechanisms) that have clouded us from seeing what it is we want to offer to our world in our lifetime—and what we are here to express! Not just on the surface, but in the soul of our being. There is no right or wrong per se—it’s just about getting as close to your truth as possible. There is no blueprint, other than the one that is already imprinted on our soul. And it ultimately comes down to: What have you gone through that when coming out of the other side gave you a perspective that world needed to see. And I believe the best place to start is following what we are interested in. I made an unconscious vow as a child to always follow the voice of my heart wherever it led me, and my heart as a baby girl led me to my first real passion—music! I began singing in the church. My mother was a choir director before my father even thought about becoming ordained. Every Wednesday there were choir rehearsals and I’d always beg my mother to let me sing a solo. I was so hurt every time she would tell me no, I felt like she wouldn’t even give me a chance! She’d always tell me that I was too young, and I never could understand what age had to do with singing. #MOMS. The reality was she probably just thought I was playing, but even though I was a lighthearted child I took myself and my work very seriously, haha #VIRGO. My mother was just thinking I was a kid who was not being serious, so she wanted me to sit down. She thought I was just talking. She didn’t understand I really had a desire to sing and touch people until I showed her how persistent I was. You see, I idolized my mother’s singing and I saw how she affected people with her voice. I wanted to do that too. I wanted a chance at THAT! I remember the first time I got her to agree to let me sing a solo, and my song of choice was “Jesus Loves Me.” Not too long after that, I was the lead soloist singing in my kindergarten play. My mom was so scared because we rehearsed all week for my solo, and when I walked to the front of the stage to start—they hadn’t lowered the mic from the class before! My mom thought I was doomed, but I wasn’t afraid, because I had watched her pull a mic out of its stand my whole life, haha. I whipped out that mic and went to town, y’all! It was truly a special feeling to be able to touch people with my voice, and even more amazing to know that it was specific to me. I claimed my music abilities as a part of my identity. When my parents first approached me about acting, the connection was music. There was a newspaper article about casting for The Lion King production at the Cadillac Palace Theatre in January 2002. The article said they were looking for little black girls of all ages, fitting this height and this weight, to play Nala. They needed a singer, and my parents thought of me. I went and didn’t make it! That’s how the story goes. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that I liked what I saw in that audition room. I saw that acting was another way to move people. Through playing out different scenarios and showcasing emotions as an actress, I could affect other people’s perspectives and feelings just as I saw my mother do with her singing. Movies, plays, and television shows offer people a different perspective from the reality they live in, and sometimes they even offer hope. In my first acting roles I came to understand that and I thought, Hmm, COOL! Though I was always interested in acting, my family and I originally felt singing was my strong suit. Just a few months after my Lion King audition, my mother found out about auditions for a show called American Juniors. It was a new show on FOX that was the children’s version of American Idol. Make a long story short, ya girl got her golden ticket! I was just nine years old. My family and I stayed in California for the duration of the competition, and it was a whole new world out there! They put me in dance classes and singing classes and my mom said watching me handle that process convinced her to really take this seriously, because I sure was! My mom has always been unafraid to ask questions. I believe that’s also a great lesson that she taught me: “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” She tried to raise me to listen more than I spoke—to listen and never be afraid to ask questions! To always remain humble and willing to learn, which is just what she did! She got every phone number she could at that competition. She learned anything she could that would help with my future in the industry. And she knew that no matter what happened with this competition, she would come up with ideas and a plan of where we were going next! #MYMOMISSOEPIC. Anyhow, we got back from the trip to California and I ultimately didn’t get the call to be on the full season of the show. I was sad, but mostly itching to do more. I knew there had to be more opportunities. I just wasn’t sure if my mom knew how to help me. #RESPECTFULLYPERSISTENT Lo and behold my mom used any and every resource she had from her college and theater days, her music days, and our time in California during American Juniors to make my dreams happen. She even found me an agent in Chicago! The agent told us there were auditions being held for Barbershop 2, and they needed a little girl to play Queen Latifah’s niece. I HAD TO AUDITION! Except, they wouldn’t let me!! The word was Queen Latifah (fresh from an Oscar nomination) was only going to be in town for a short while. They didn’t want to waste her time with unseasoned actors, and I had been on only one audition in my short acting “career.” But still, my mom and I weren’t about to take no for an answer. I wasn’t much of an actor yet, but I was a singer. That was what we felt the key was—to get them to hear me sing!! I learned a huge lesson from my mother that day. She showed me how to be respectfully persistent. I mean, we didn’t run up to the casting director and stalk her outside her house, haha! But we put together a tape of me doing the lines and then me singing “Be a Lion” from The Wiz. We felt in our hearts that if they saw me they would feel me. Yes, they had told us no, but the point is that we knew something they didn’t know: Not seeing me was a mistake! Haha! So we had to find a way around that mistake. You don’t have to bulldoze, you just have to respectfully disagree when you experience, what I call, an unfair no. Because even if they don’t like it or it isn’t what they’re looking for, people respect well-thought-out effort! And anytime you’re reaching for a goal, I’ve found it helps to create a pattern for yourself of always giving it your all—everything you’ve got. That is a great habit to start with! My mom and I sent in the tape and heard nothing for months. We didn’t expect to hear back, because again, we’d done something kind of unorthodox. We weren’t even sure when they received the tape, or if they’d actually watch it, ya know? These were the many thoughts running through our minds, but we sent it off anyway because we felt in our hearts it was worth the shot (it’s gotta always be about what you believe!). We started to lose hope until the casting director called my mom saying they’d still been unable to find the girl! They asked to see me, and they told me that the producers AND ICE CUBE were going to be in the room. My mom said they were testing me and probably wanted to see if I would get nervous. We wanted to do more than show them I was prepared. We wanted to do something extra to show them that even though I’d never been on a set or met any celebrities, I was fearless! Fearlessness goes a long way, and it doesn’t mean you feel no fear, it just means you don’t let it drive your decisions or detour you. I was fearless and CAPABLE of doing the job, and I wanted to show them that! My mother and I quickly hatched a plan. I’d do my lines and then beg them to let me sing! Haha, I know it sounds so silly but I enjoyed this, and singing was my main talent at that time, so I felt more confident knowing I could lean on that in the audition room. Little did I know that this same plan would be my introduction for most of my early career. By the time we moved to California, every room I entered, I would beg the agent, producer, or casting director to let me sing. And when my mother was in the room with me we would really play it up. Me: I love dancing and acting and singing. I really started out singing with my mom in church! Oh, Mommy, please can I sing for them?? Mom: Oh no Keke, that’s not what these people are here for . . . Me: Mommy, please! By that point they had to let me sing! I know this might sound elaborate, and some people might think my mom and I were pulling a little Heartbreakers con —the 2001 movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sigourney Weaver—but the truth is that this is how we got my story across in less than 10 minutes, how we bonded, and how we showed them that I was more than what they saw on the surface. We had to show where we came from and where we were going, with little to no time! We wanted them to know that it was about the feeling and we couldn’t do that without a performance to find the quickest way to get there. It was about creating the atmosphere to show the feeling I was able to express through my gift. This became our “Thing.” SHINE YOUR LIGHT AND BE FEARLESS IN YOUR CREATIVE PURSUITS My mother and I leaned so much on my singing in the beginning, because it was the quickest way to show people my heart and what I was about! Even down to the song choice of “Be a Lion,” it was all about courage—having the courage to shine your light—which I had to have. It was the best song to express that Keke is about hope. She is young, but has found what she is passionate about and can’t help but share it with the world. We were asking them, in essence, to be a part of my movement! That’s more or less what my mom was trying to display with her game. It’s special to me in retrospect because God was right beside her. He was guiding her and guiding me on my yellow brick road.
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Product details
Hardcover: 320 pages
Publisher: Gallery Books (January 31, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1501145398
ISBN-13: 978-1501145391
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1.2 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
114 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#226,937 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Everyone....I can not believe how much life, death, soul, and resurrection this book gave to me! No like seriously, im 22 and is still in pursuit of my dreams but I lack the encouragement and support from my family and even some friends due to lost of hope in our culture per se and just getting stuck in life and responsibilities overall. So of course that gets to me as well and it makes me doubt of myself and feel like dreams will only be what you fantasize and can't be real. Also it just feels like you have to fit under some label or category whether if it's how you look, what you do, or how your personality is to be successful or have a platform if you know what I mean. That makes you feel less worthy of yourself and have anxiety and be fearful and all the above but I swear KEKE talks about all that stuff and more because she went through the same thing yet still got through it!! Her testimonies in this book definetly gave me that hope and drive again to continue to follow my dreams and embrace myself as well as my mistakes and experiences along the journey and to learn to not let those mistakes, failures, or mishaps define me or take away my worth or image of my OWN self! I cried, I laughed, I nodded when reading because every chapter was so relatable and was speaking to me and I know that you all will find parts that will really resonate with you even after the read.I'm so glad that I got this book and I know it will continue to come in handy when I just need that push of motivation time and time again.Thank you keke for writing this book!!-Elle Renee
This book offers insight, inspiration, advice and wisdom on so many levels. I love how throughout the book she takes you on a journey of growth.....Sharing her mistakes, failures, mishaps and heart breaks. Its not just a book .....but a guide on changing your mindset to live more confident and authentic with accepting Who You Are and loving yourself regardless of what you been through what you have experienced and what you currently may be facing. This book gave me strength ,love & guidance during a rough time in my life when I needed a quiet plAce to silence the noise.... I was able to Xscape and find myself again & hear my thoughts and follow my heart. Definitely therapeutic.....truly a must-read!!!! I am now ready to love again... Breathe Again... and move forward in my journey through life ..Thank You Keke Palmer !!!!For writing this book!!! Its truly my "Life Changer"⤠God bless. Sending So Much Love To You !!!
Always been a fan of Keke, and this book just took it to the next level! Keke gets raw and real with her life experiences and makes it relatable! This book definitely keeps me motivated to hold my own and strive for my own goals as Keke did with hers!
I can't even explain in words how excited I was to read this from Keke so I'll just jump right into it. The thing I loved most about this book is that while reading it, you know it's Keke that wrote it and not just some editor. If you know Keke in any way, shape, or form while reading this you unmistakably hear her voice in your head, like a personalized audiobook, and that to me just made this so much more personal to read.This was my first read in the self-help genre and I was a little bit hesitant because I thought it was going to be very generic and just telling me what I wanted to hear, but it was far from any of that. I really appreciated, and I think others as well will appreciate that she isn't acting like she has all of the answers to this crazy thing called life by telling us what we NEED to do. But she's without a doubt telling us what SHE did in whatever situations she found herself in and how SHE let HER experiences shape HER life. It's your life, do with it what you will but make it count!I enjoyed reading about how she came to realize certain things about herself (getting to know herself) and how she grew and learned from her mistakes. I loved how blatantly honest she was about her ups and downs in all aspects of her career, all of the good and bad she's experienced getting in the industry and staying in the industry. She basically shows us that just because something didn't go as planned the first time doesn't mean we should give up all hope and quit. #EmpowermentThat brings me to the fact that I think ladies around 13 or 14 would also really benefit form reading this because I feel like it's just very uplifting and empowering to girls that are coming into their own and changing into the future adults their going to be for the rest of their lives.This was just a very beautiful book all around! I loved all of the emoji's, hashtags, and quotes, this was just very fun to read and I definitely recommend this.One of my favorite quotes from the book: "Remember, the caterpillar doesn't ask, 'When an I going to become a butterfly?' It just waits patiently until it is transformed"-Keke Palmer
It wasn’t the worst read but it was so redundant. I hated all the emojis and I felt like the chapters had nothing to do with the chapter title. It was a constant let down. She had some good points but between the 999 mentions of “the gag is†and the unnecessary, incessant use of emojis, it was a bore! Unfortunately, if I start a book, I must finish it but I was bored and could not wait to never have to open the book again. I just felt like my 10 year old cousin had written it and was in no way, suitable to give me advice.
Delivered sooner than expected and in great condition! Great read that came just in time with the issues going on in my life. Such a strong reinforcement of the self motivation and reflection I strive to keep in practice. Keke is so relatable and wise beyond her years. Throughout the book, I found myself saying "This is so me!" and that's what made it a page turner. The fact that there's someone else that went through similar situations and thought processes as me is comforting in knowing that we are never alone in our struggles. Thanks Keke for making this book a reality for so many people!
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